FEBRUARY

I recently was a speaker at a Gender Pay Equity Conference. One of the threads weaving through it was that women, in general, lack confidence in negotiating pay as they enter the workforce; and thereafter, women have difficulty in creating upward mobility within their respective work organizations. Ultimately, and overall, these tendencies contribute to the continuing gap in relative compensation.

In a larger framework, it has been my experience (in 30 years of working within a large organization and 10+ years in coaching women in many walks of life) that many women lack basic managerial courage (command skills, conflict management, confronting appropriately, being able to stand alone and strong; being able to take criticism and turn it into a learning opportunity. Negotiation is part of this managerial courage—it is a life-important and life-long skill). Please note that my statement is not meant to paint all women with this same brush. Nor is this exclusive to female gender; I’ve also met men in the workplace who lack managerial courage. Some examples of lacking basic managerial courage include: avoiding crises; being wishy-washy---not able to take a stand; fear of criticism/failure; unable to take the heat—uncomfortable being grilled; defensive—low risk-takers—not liking uncertainty; defensive—in the face of complaints; not being open to criticism, and unwilling to learn from criticism. I’ve found that finding one’s managerial courage, finding one’s self—one’s voice—one’s command center is key!

From a recent issue of NegotiatorMagazine.org (and other readings) are some general tendencies to consider:

• Women tend to view fewer situations as even involving a negotiation. They thus just accept what’s offered, or what is, more often than men, and don’t question it, nor even ask for more.

• Women tend to have lower expectations and self-confidence than men in many negotiation settings and thus, when they do ask, they tend to ask for less and concede more.

• Women tend to experience higher anxiety than men in conflict-oriented negotiation settings.

• Women’s tendency to be more relationship-oriented and cooperative can give them an advantage in situations where the parties recognize the value of the relationships and a more collaborative negotiation environment exists.

• Women, when negotiating on behalf of others, seem to do that better than when seeking something more for themselves (individually).

• Women tend to expect that people, co-workers, bosses, will automatically be fair; that most situations should not even include the need for a negotiation. Women tend to play win-win more often, whereas men in the workplace tend to play win-lose.

Why do these (above) tendencies exist?

They generally derive from society’s expectations and social conditioning—from childhood on—of the different gender-oriented traits and roles. Women are thought to be more other-oriented, and men are thought to be more self-oriented. Men seek power; women seek community.

So what do these tendencies have to do with Courage? With Command Skills? Especially when trying to succeed in the mixed-gender Workplace?

Being able to hold the important and difficult conversations is essential to overcome courage issues. I learned to stand strong very early in my life, and was supervising a household long before I was in high school. Responsibility was/is my middle name! My years in DuPont provided me many opportunities to learn, to grow, to develop, to hone my management and leadership skills, and to build my business acumen. Yet, when Susan Scott wrote Fierce Conversations….Achieving Success at Work and in Life, One Conversation at a Time, I ordered copies for many-a-woman colleague. I read the book from cover to cover; then I took her course! Fierce conversations does not mean “mean”; rather, it means “robust, intense, strong, powerful, passionate, eager, unbridled”. I highly recommend it to learn to personally and professionally Act with courage, care and confidence (one conversation at a time). And this is precisely what successful women have learned to do in the workplace --- you can learn to Act---in spite of your fears!

Courage Issues:

To me, having managerial courage means being able to stand up and appropriately, maturely, and diplomatically say what needs to be said at the right time, to the right person, in the right manner, with the right impact. It means not being afraid to take negative action when necessary. It means facing up to people and work problems on any situation quickly and directly. Can you muster this courage? What about supporting other women? When a woman in your workplace has mustered the courage to stand tall, do you chime in with support? Or do you whither?

There is a recently-published book by Birute Regine. It is wonderfully titled, Iron Butterflies…Women Transforming Themselves and the World.

(From its cover): This book speaks volumes about how many successful women have dealt with vulnerability in themselves, within the workplace. Iron Butterflies convincingly demonstrates how traditional feminine skills and values—inclusion, empathy, relational awareness, emotional strength, and seeking a holistic perspective—can be applied to empower more people than ever before. Like the many women profiled, leaders in the twenty-first century will paradoxically embrace vulnerability and durability to create better working and living relationships for us all.

These women also possess managerial courage. How wonderful that we have such strong women models…Iron Butterflies…from which we can learn! Here’s to building courage! Lights On!